With Father's Day approaching, I feel as if I MUST get this off my chest.
I know I am not the only woman out there with "daddy issues". I am taking this time to vent, and giving you girls the opportunity to vent about your own feelings, if your dad was absent like mine, or if your kid's dad ain't worth 2 shits, THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE... TELL EM HOW YOU FEEL!!
I know we should be over it by now, but some things will stay with you forever. I am kind of glad that my dad left, simply because it taught me to do for myself, because no man will stay around no matter what you do. Also, because he could have been molesting me or beating my ass all these years and turning me into something worse.
Then again, I think that it would have helped if he was doing right and around, he could tell me all the things about boys my mom failed to mention. This was the first man to break my heart.
It also caused me to have a lot of respect for my mother. It takes a lot to raise three kids on your own, and my mom did that and did the very best she could. While this dude ran around having more kids. Currently, I am the 6th out of ten of my dad's kids. He was in Vietnam and traveled a lot. Apparently, he dropped his semen in every city he touched.
My father and mother were married in 1980 and he disappeared from our lives forever in 1992. I was 8 years old. I didn't see his face again until 2005, I was 21. My daughter was 1. Thirteen years of feeling un-loved can do some things to you. It broke my heart, because I was "Daddy's Girl", and I couldn't understand what the hell I did wrong that he would not come see me my brother or my sister anymore. He fell victim to crack. He began to sell our things. I went up to my room one day to get my dolls out and they were gone. He sold my Barbie dolls for crack.
Growing up, I was a bad-ass. Rowdy, getting sent home from school, my mother had to come to school for me EVERY YEAR from 4th-12th grade. Sometimes more than once. I just didn't give a fuck. Surprisingly, my grades were really good, I was always on the honor and merit roll, I just had a problem with authoritative figures. If I could stop talking shit for a second I would be alright. I struggled with the concept of, well, my own father doesn't even love me, so who will? I constantly struggled with self-esteem issues when it came to men, I thought I wasn't really good enough for them, cause I wasn't even good enough for the man whose dick I rode in on.
We've talked since then. He keeps it very brief on the phone, probably because he doesn't want to explain anything. Must be embarrassing. Especially to his new family. He currently resides in his native Greensboro NC home with his "wife" and her kids. So fortunate for them.
When I saw him when I was 21, he was passing thru because he was visiting Niagara Falls. He brought his wig-wearing girlfriend with him, and I couldn't say everything I wanted to say. I never have. I think that's why I feel this way.
I do feel better about it, now, that I am older and I have vented, never really got to do that before. My mom gets too mad talking about it. My older sister refuses to discuss it. So does my younger brother.
Then I know there are so many other people out there with a story, some worse than mine. What kind of man can have children and then be ok with not seeing them for years? My daughter is gone overnight and I'm sweating. I guess he really wasn't a man.
Let's make a list of The kind of men who need to get their ass whooped by a real man.
1. Men who abuse women and children in any type of way-that means any thing ending in -ally.
2. Men who get into powerfrul positions and lose control.
3. Men who are on the DL and not keeping it straight with wifey.
4. Men who cheat on their significant other and couldn't at least use protection.
5. Men who lie about dumb shit.
6. Men who answer questions with questions.
7. Men who think they are so fine and think they are God's gift to women. And they're not all that.
8. Men who think women are beneath them.
9. Men who are predjudice against another race in the 21st century.
10. Men who scheme to get richer (yeah you white collar Enron Bernie Madoff muthafuckas, I'm talking to you )
11. Men who are crooked in politics (wait-isn't that almost EVERY politician?!)
12. Men who take care of their wives then leave them with nothing (I know, it's her fault for putting herself in that position, but we all seen Diary of a Mad Black Woman, ya'll know that wasn't right)
Can anyone else add to the list? By the time we're done, that may be ALL men....no...I refuse to believe all men are bad...
This post is dedicated to our best friend and worst enemy-WEAVE.
Some women like weave, and wear it to achieve the style they were going for, others can't be seen without it, and others should have never paid anybody to do them like that. The two pics up top is what I like to call "a bad weave move"
but I will pay homage to the hot weaves-
This is the only woman in the game I have seen with her weave ON POINT at all times...and that lacefront down-your-back nonsense doesn't count. Disagree? So what, it's my blog.
I like weave and I have worn it a few times, simply to fill out a 'do , or create a look without getting a haircut. But it has damaged my hair. Some of my cousins feel like they are NAKED without weave and will not go anywhere without it except to their local beauty supply store. I think weave is cool as long as it is done properly, and if you take it out without messing up your real hair. WHY doesn't anyone want to take care of their real hair anymore?
Today, we will examine the "thirsty" woman. My definition of a "thirsty" woman is a woman who may or may not dress very provocatively, but who likes to hang around the clubs and act completely out her charcter in front of a man to get some attention. Now, don't be fooled, girls, thirsty ass women pop up EVERWHERE. You see them at work, you see them in the stores trying to get YOUR man's attention, walking up a busy street in the summertime in the hood switching harder than your gay friend Charlie.
And since the summer is here, shit, it's been getting MUCH worse...
Have you seen, met, or have BEEN one before? You prolly could answer yes to at least one of these questions....
I'm going to step out the box and say yes to all three. Here's my testimonial (lol). I was a thirsty woman at one time. Not with everybody, but this one guy in particular. I was feeling him so, he was so damn sexy, tall, real deep voice, I was like I HAVE to have him I just have to. I just wanted to get his attention, but I soon realized I didn't have to dress sexy or constantly stay in his face for him to like me. I found out that most, if not all men, will like you better when you pay them no mind like you don't like them. So I cut that thirsty shit out. Then I met my fiancee. When we had our first conversation on the phone, he said, "I didn't even know you were attracted to me. You didn't pay me any mind, which is why I was attracted to you.Women usually try to talk to me, I never pressed a chick like this." A-HA!
In conclusion, you can catch more men when you pay them zero attention. I find that when you chase down a male, he is not as interested as he would be chasing you. And as for you women who had it right form the start- (I'm sure you'll be commenting that you have) congrats, try to spread the word among the younger females, and try to save them some of the heartache.
So, a coworker and I recently got into a debate about what was better, the dope boy vs. the good boy.
She says the Dope Boy is better because he has more money. This is coming from a woman who is 30 plus. SMH.
I said the Good Boy is better because he has money, possibly a 401k, and will be eligible for an income tax return. The BEST part about it is that he won't go to jail for making the money.
Now, every girl LOVES a bad boy, true indeed, but are you willing to go to jail, get shot/killed, put your fam in danger for the thug love?
Now, me, I like the good boy. Now, I'm not talking about no holified-sanctified guy, he has to like to do things. There is nothing wrong with a lil Jesus though. But not a square ass dude, you know?
I used to date a dope boy, and I wasn't impressed. ok, you pay for everything, great, but I was the type who ALWAYS WORKED for mines, and wasn't waiting with my hand out for someone else to handle my shit. And NO, I'm not holding SHIT for you in my closet. No. AND I was still staying with Mom-bo at the time? She would beat me until I turned Caucasian, u hear me?
I think I outgrew it all.. I mean, I respect everybody's hustle, everyone's gotta eat, but when it affects those around you, we have a problem. Do it on the side, but have something legit too. That's just my opinion.
State your opinions, then google the story of Santra Rucker, who just loved her some dope boys..and is now serving a 390-year sentence in jail because her dope boy boyfriend set her up to take the fall...she had a full interview in F.E.D.S. magazine.
Today I will examine and take a look at why some women stay and put up with the bullshit that men dish out. I actually asked a "stayer" some questions during girl talk and I got some real serious answers.
For some reason, people feel that they can tell me anything. I don't mind, because I like to help people.
I asked Brittany*, she has been with her boyfriend for 7 years, and still hasn't gotten a change. What is making her stay, you ask? These are the answers:
RWDRT: So, Brittany, how long have you and your boyfriend been together?
B: 7 years. We have been through a lot together.
RWDRT: Can you say that there has been mostly good, bad, or both?
B: To be honest, mostly bad. But at least he's not sleeping with his baby moms anymore.
RWDRT: How can you be so sure?
B: She moved out of town.
RWDRT: Oh, ok, that was a good thing-how old are you?
B: 23. He broke my virginity and we have been together ever since.
RWDRT: And how old is boyfriend? His son?
B: Ronnie* is 24. His son is 2.
RWDRT: Ok, so the baby was concieved during your relationship with him?
B: Yes. It was a hard time for me, considering I was the main girl and she was just the bitch on the side. I knew about her, I was mad, but I was like, fuck it, if I'm the main girl, it doesn't matter what he does with them...it just broke my heart because in the process of all that, I found that he wasn't using protection wih any of us and I caught something.
RWDRT: Can I ask what you caught? Also, you were really that cool with sharing your guy?
B: I caught chlamydia. Thank God. If I couldn't get rid of it I was really going to be tight....I was cool with it simply because I knew they didn't have nothing on me and they was never about to take my place.
RWDRT: Wow...that's an interesting outlook, may I ask what else have you been thru with this guy?
B: We fight and stuff sometimes. We fist fight. It's not all the time, so I don't see it as being harmful or serious. The last time we fought HARD Was like 2 years ago. I got a black eye. He said he will never hit me in my face again. He just hits me on my legs and my arms, I hardly ever get any bruises. The one time he slapped me in my face in front of everyone in the grocery store. We were in line too. He doesn't like it when I get smart with him. He does have a good side though. He likes to play around a lot. But only when he is in the mood. I have fought at least 5 girls behind him, and my family doesn't really talk to me anymore. They think I am crazy for letting him do what he does, but when you're in love, you're in love.
RWDRT: Brittany, if he loved you, he wouldn't be using you for a punching bag. He could seriously hurt you one day. What did your parents say when you had a black eye?
B: well, my dad is MIA and has been, my mom is always under a new fling, and she lets them do whatever to her and my sisters stopped talking to me a month ago. They are tired of hearing me cry about the same shit.
RWDRT: Ok, so what makes you stay?
B: I feel like I need him, in a way. We have been together for so long, I don't think I could move on from him, I don;t want to have to meet someone else all over again and do this.
RWDRT: So you would rather go thru what you go thru with him, instead of trying to find something better, someone who treats you better? Brittany, it sounds to me that you have a lack of self-esteem. You are young, you're not married, no kids with this dude, nothing is tying you to him. You may have passed up the love of your life going back to him over and over again. And he only does what you allow him to. He made you the main girl because he knew that you weren't strong enough to go anywhere. Not only that, he is the only person you have had sex with, this dude could have a pinky dick and you don't even know it!
B: I don't have low self esteem ok, I know I look good, I just prefer to be with him. We are going to be together forever. People just be hating.
This is when I let the conversation go. It's obvious that when love takes over, you become blind to A LOT of shit sometimes. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't teach that dumb muthafucka to drink, that's for sure.
I know I got a lot of thoughts and comments @ this one....feel free...go hard...
I decided to get my own blog after I've been kicked off numerous threads for my language not not agreeing with the consensus....and no this isn't my picture, i just like the movie Norbit. How You Doin? Im kinda new to this blog shit, so if my page aint all super souped up enough for you, kick rocks fucker!!! if you can show me some pointers on how to beautify it, now that, i will be more than happy to accept. We don't hold back here @ Ladies Nite...